No one wants to hire me. I suppose it’s mostly because I’m leaving in March. I admit, if I were an employer I might think to myself: “What’s the point? This guys only going to be here for long enough to get trained.” Tomorrow I’ll go to the temp services and sign up for as many of them as I can. It’s probably my best bet anyway.

It pisses me off that everyone in the house loves kicking me when I’m down. I always try to be considerate of their feelings when things aren’t exactly going good for them. I try to be helpful – but these assholes just love to shove it in my face. Tyrel mostly. What the fuck is his problem? He was a jobless bum for two whole months! We paid his rent! And here I am, laid off, unexpectedly, just two days ago and he’s already giving me shit. I ought to fuck him up for it, and I want to. But it wouldn’t do any good. God, he pisses me off though.

I went and saw a mid-night showing of the Two Towers last night. I figured it was worth the splurge to go see it since I was looking forward to it so much. I’m glad I saw it, but I was totally disappointed. I can’t believe how different from the book it was, how horribly different. I was disgusted with it. Very disappointing especially after how much I enjoyed the first one.

I like the changes I’m seeing in my body. I like the way it’s starting to spring back from years of little use. I hope to be in good enough shape to take whatever they can dish out at basic. And I think I can do it if I keep this up.

The pool function for recruits and deppers for December was slightly disappointing as well. We played laser tag, but we didn’t get to see our scores (I think I did pretty good though). And we did a little room clearing exercise, but just once each – there were too many people. We didn’t even run or workout at all beforehand.

Since I began considering the Marine Corps as part of my future I’ve been unable to concentrate on my schoolwork. I am weeks behind in physics and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m not looking forward to it at all. I have been unable to motivate myself because I hope that it won’t matter. I want to be a Marine. And at first, while they were still telling me that my bum knee wouldn’t be a problem everything seemed to be going great. But now things have begun to look a little different and the schoolwork I neglected earlier is going to have to be faced. Bad news on both accounts and no easy way out.

How can I let myself be so lazy? What happened to the determination that used to define who I was? Where has my self-integrity gone? Since removing television from my life, three days ago, I’ve had more and more time to analyze my dejected state. And while that’s brought me to new levels of self-loathing, it has not done much for my motivation. I wish I could just snap out of it. But I’ve been trying for days now over the Thanksgiving break and all I have to show for it is a completed Rubik’s cube and a couple more games of chess under my belt. Pleasant these things are, but not what I need.