I got this half black eye a few weeks ago while playing basketball. Though you can't see them, I already have three stitches in my chin from a game a couple of days earlier. Gesi still loved me enough to kiss my mangled face, but I was forbidden to play anymore basketball. Not that that stopped me. Anyway I just wanted to use this as my profile photo and needed to get it somewhere online before I could use it. Hope you enjoy.

I'm debating with myself about whether or not I want to transfer all of my writings onto here. It would probably take a little while, and it's a little frightening to expose so much of myself. But it's really not that much exposure at this point... I don't think anyone but me has ever seen this, and I don't plan on trying to draw traffic in anyway. This blog; it's really sort of a personal experiment. I'm just not sure what I'm trying to discover with it.

For those of you who actually know me... http://kevan.org/nohari?name=loweb1 is a way to tell me how to improve my personality. I think it would be interesting to see what others feel are my downfalls.

Puppies. This one better be worth it.

At the library in Awatukee, trying to finish up Gesi's taxes. She owe's more than I got back, not good news but oh well. I do like driving on paved roads. Soon we'll have our finances all figured out. My income is going to be more stable come next month and she just got another raise too. We'll have about two months to get all caught up before she quits and we get ready to head cross country. We should be ok by that point. The military will give me extra money to make the move and we should be able to get there and get set up without too much trouble. I hope. Seems like no matter how much money I make, or how much I try to conserve all that I get it's always just barely enough. At least so far it has been enough. It could be worse.

I wonder how she's going to adjust to life in NC. Where's she going to work, can I get her back in college. Will I be able to get some night schooling in? I want to. They say Cherry Point is going to be deployed right before we get there, which means I'll probably be standing a whole lot of duty. Nothing I'm not used to. And at least I'll be able to come home to my wife.

Nothing tells me what to write. No one looks in to see if I'm doing the job correctly, and there's not a damn person who cares whether or not I write at al really. The only obstacle to keep me from really letting go of myself and writing what I willis the fact that I have to do this from my classmate's barracks room. While he's watching Stargate. It's distracting as hell, and I'm not sure when he's going to want his computer back.

Down and dirty.

Boot camp 030317 (Mar 17, 2003). It sucked, but the crucible wasn't nearly as hard as I expected. My girlfriend surprised me by showing up at my graduation, very nice surprise. We spent ten days after boot camp together that were amazing, especially after three hard months apart. Then I had to go back. MCT and the first few moths in 29 Palms I was still getting used to the Marine Corps. Eventually Gesi convinced me to let her move closer to me, about the same time I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I proposed on my birthday and she moved to Phoenix half way through December. We got married on the 29th of February, and I'll be graduating from my radar school on June 7th. After that Gesi and I will finally be able to live together. We'll be in North Carolina by the 7th of July, which is where we'll stay for the next three years at least. Supposing I don't get deployed or something anyway.

It just feels good to be able to type again. I can't wait to get my computer fixed, or to buy a new one anyway.

Been in for a year now. Just barely getting back online really. Going to do more with this as soon as I can.

No one wants to hire me. I suppose it’s mostly because I’m leaving in March. I admit, if I were an employer I might think to myself: “What’s the point? This guys only going to be here for long enough to get trained.” Tomorrow I’ll go to the temp services and sign up for as many of them as I can. It’s probably my best bet anyway.

It pisses me off that everyone in the house loves kicking me when I’m down. I always try to be considerate of their feelings when things aren’t exactly going good for them. I try to be helpful – but these assholes just love to shove it in my face. Tyrel mostly. What the fuck is his problem? He was a jobless bum for two whole months! We paid his rent! And here I am, laid off, unexpectedly, just two days ago and he’s already giving me shit. I ought to fuck him up for it, and I want to. But it wouldn’t do any good. God, he pisses me off though.

I went and saw a mid-night showing of the Two Towers last night. I figured it was worth the splurge to go see it since I was looking forward to it so much. I’m glad I saw it, but I was totally disappointed. I can’t believe how different from the book it was, how horribly different. I was disgusted with it. Very disappointing especially after how much I enjoyed the first one.

I like the changes I’m seeing in my body. I like the way it’s starting to spring back from years of little use. I hope to be in good enough shape to take whatever they can dish out at basic. And I think I can do it if I keep this up.

The pool function for recruits and deppers for December was slightly disappointing as well. We played laser tag, but we didn’t get to see our scores (I think I did pretty good though). And we did a little room clearing exercise, but just once each – there were too many people. We didn’t even run or workout at all beforehand.

Since I began considering the Marine Corps as part of my future I’ve been unable to concentrate on my schoolwork. I am weeks behind in physics and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m not looking forward to it at all. I have been unable to motivate myself because I hope that it won’t matter. I want to be a Marine. And at first, while they were still telling me that my bum knee wouldn’t be a problem everything seemed to be going great. But now things have begun to look a little different and the schoolwork I neglected earlier is going to have to be faced. Bad news on both accounts and no easy way out.

How can I let myself be so lazy? What happened to the determination that used to define who I was? Where has my self-integrity gone? Since removing television from my life, three days ago, I’ve had more and more time to analyze my dejected state. And while that’s brought me to new levels of self-loathing, it has not done much for my motivation. I wish I could just snap out of it. But I’ve been trying for days now over the Thanksgiving break and all I have to show for it is a completed Rubik’s cube and a couple more games of chess under my belt. Pleasant these things are, but not what I need.